It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
