Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
