hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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