I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize