remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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