I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
