So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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