I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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