Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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