How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
