Umm I'm too high to move.
one might say we're banned from that church
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
