You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
