Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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