M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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