Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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