I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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