All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
