I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a search helicopter?!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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