is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
