There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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