I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
