thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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