How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
