me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
