Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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