dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
