After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
