Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
