I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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