You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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