Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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