i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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