I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
