Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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