The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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