so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
