So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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