I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
