dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
