So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
