we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Randomize
