I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
