my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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