my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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