You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
