Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
