he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
