ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
