my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How does one acquire holy water?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
