I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
