I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
