Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
