I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
