Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
