We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and she was petting her beer can
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
