She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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