i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
