Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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