I want to have your abortion
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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