I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
