I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
