mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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