My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
