Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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