she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
