Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
