Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
