Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.