So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word