When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
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Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.