I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS