That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY