What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.