I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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